Obama Repeals Healthcare Reform

Some people are now accusing the President of waffling.

 

Early this morning, President Obama announced that there is no actual need for healthcare reform, and apologized for “making such a big deal about it before.”

“I was given access to the same tools and technology NFL referees use to review controversial plays on the field,” the President said in a press conference. “Upon further review, it looks like the push to amend the healthcare system was rather unnecessary. I’d like to apologize to the American public for the amount of time and money it took to reach this conclusion.”

 

Naturally, there were many follow-up questions to the President’s unexpected announcement. Whether or not he has been catching up on some NFL films, it was evident that football was on the President’s mind. In addition to the comment about the review technology used to repeal healthcare reform, the President also took to using a popular phrase used by athletes to answers all questions. “It is what it is,” was repeated several times throughout the conference.

 

Reporters covering the conference grew frustrated when the President refused to elaborate in the specifics behind his big decision. Perhaps the most embarrassing part of the discussion took place when one reporter called out the President for some recent predictions.

 

“Mr. President, since you refuse to discuss your repeal of healthcare reform in depth and instead keep treating this as some kind of sports press conference, I’d like to hear you speak for a minute about the terrible bracket you put together for the men’s NCAA tournament. Last year you seemed to do well, picking the eventual winner, and this year I made sure to pay close attention to what you had to say. I’m sure you already know that your predictions this year were terrible and embarrassing; do you have anything you’d like to say to the thousands of fans who were counting on your picks?”

 

“It is what it is,” the President said. “We’re going to try and regroup as an administration. I don’t want to point any fingers, but [Joe] Biden had a couple hunches that really didn’t pan out. But I take full responsibility. To be honest, the only reason I called this press conference was to act as a diversion; those picks were horrible. My focus is now on the first pitch at the Nationals home opener, and, if all goes well, a spot in the rotation.”