The Lighter Side

I have written hundreds of financial columns, but few involving humor, in spite of considerable effort to find more of such jokes.

Too many folks apparently do not see the humorous side of their money affairs, or their medical affairs, for that matter. But I recall Robert Burns who said “I laugh ere I cry,” so I keep looking to accumulate enough for another humor column.

Recently, while cleaning out some old storage, I came upon a long-forgotten trove. See if you can recognize your own experiences and can find a way to laugh them off, ala Burns

— One taxpayer to another: “Aren’t you worried about a single-payer health plan?”

“Why, is it me?”

— A knight tending to Humpty Dumpty said to his squire: “Humpty is in an HMO. Only get some of the king’s horses and some of the king’s men.”

— Medical stereotypes, while often largely untrue and even a bit cruel, sometimes have a bit of truth to them, e.g.

• How do you hide a dollar bill from a radiologist? Pin it on a patient.

• How do you hide a dollar bill from an orthopedic surgeon? Put it in the patient’s chart.

• How do you hide a dollar bill from a plastic surgeon? You can’t.

— A Buddhist monk walked into a Zen pizza parlor and said, “Make me one with everything.”

When he got his order, he gave the owner a $20 bill, which the owner pocketed.

“Where is my change?” asked the monk.

The Zen proprietor replied; “Change must come from within.”

— “Today stock prices fell sharply on fears that stock prices would fall sharply.”

— “Urinalysis lab. Can you hold?”

“Premature ejaculation clinic - you’re early.”

— “One of the problems of being an art historian, doctor,” said a patient at a party, “is that one constantly meets people at parties who want free art history.”

— (For group-based docs) Dilbert, on unwatched pens; “Legal ownership of your pen ends when you take your eyes off of it. Your co-workers are waiting for any opportunity to make it their own.” Stethoscopes, too?

— One definition of managed care: “Try to manage, we don’t care…”

— A commercial realtor said to a doctor: “The difference between medical office buildings and venereal diseases is that you can rid of venereal diseases.”

— An executive said to a doc in a large medical group, “I’m here from the finance department to reduce costs. It might seem that all I do is come up with is short-sighted ways to save money while making your job harder, but there is another side to this story.”

So the harassed doctor asked, “And that would be?”

Executive: “I forget…”

— Financial advisor to doctor: “For a 1% annual fee I will place your money with a certified financial planner. He will charge you 1% per year to put your money in a mutual fund that charges 1% per year.”

Doctor: “Will I make any money?”

Financial advisor: “I don’t see you doing any of the work.”

Hey, if you hear a good one, please forward it so that I can start collecting for another column. Thanks.