Medical School isn't for the faint of heart, and it hasn't always done a good job of getting students ready for the real world of medicine.
Welcome to Camp Premed. I'm Dr. Meyers. In the next few weeks, we will get to know each other VERY WELL. Do you understand, recruits? I said, DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I CAN'T HEAR YOU. Good. That's better.
You are part of a select group picked because you have demonstrated an above average ability to memorize vast amounts of mostly useless, esoteric information. Too bad, because that will be worthless when it comes to fighting in the medical trenches. I'm sure you have heard a lot lately about the problems with practicing medicine. You are here to get a taste of what it's like in the real world, not only treating patients, but winning their hearts and minds of patients using the hard earned lessons in terrorist counterinsurgency.
Here's what you can look forward to over the next week:
1. Self-defense, stress management, and learning how to keep strong.
2. Guerilla marketing, communication techniques, and how to learn from others and other disciplines.
3. Wilderness survival.
4. Leadership, team-building, and adopting an entrepreneurial mindset.
5. Communications and security.
6. Weapons training.
7. Civil affairs, cultural competence, and understanding the culture of medicine.
8. Debt management and managing sacrifice.
9. Crowd control and situation diffusion techniques.
10. Negotiation and persuasion.
Look to your right. Look to your left. At least one of those people won't graduate from the course. Good luck. Now hit it for 10.