Hard-To-Find Medical and Financial Humor

There isn’t an overwhelming amount of columns featuring humor involving money and/or docs. But sometimes you come across a knee slap worthy jokes, like these ones from The New Yorker.

• Young doctor to anxious patient; “Well Bob, it’s only a paper cut, but just to be sure let’s do a lot of tests.”
• One smug tycoon to another; “They can do what they want with the minimum wage, but they better keep their hands off the maximum wage.”
• One financial advisor to another at a bar; “Long term I like bonds, intermediate term I like equities and short term I like scotch.”
• Defensive man walking past homeless man asking for money; “I gave on the internet.”
• Economist dad, reading scary bedtime story to child; “‘Run, run!’ the little children cried,’ It’s coming to get us! - It’s the giant Federal deficit!’”
• Cynical coroner talking to a detective about a body on the floor; “Judging from the violent nature of the multiple stab wounds, I’d say that they victim was probably a financial consultant.”
• Patient doctor to worried patient; “It’s nothing serious Bob, it’s just a case of the forties.”
• TV financial news commentator; “Bad news on Wall Street today. The bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed and the top blew away.”
• Three docs are driving to a medical conference when they are hit by a semi and killed. At their arrival in heaven they are asked “What would you like to have people say mourning over your casket?” The first doc said “I’d like people to say that I was a caring physician who devoted his life to his many patients .” The second doc said “I’d like people to say that I was a dedicated scientist who made discoveries that benefited many people.” Finally, the third doc said “Over my casket I would like to have people say ‘Look, he’s moving!”
• Finally, a sad story of a dying doc who calls his partner of 40 years to his deathbed. “I’ve got something to confess to you. I have been a lousy partner. I’ve embezzled $1 million over the years, I had an affair with your wife and I was secretly responsible for the malpractice suit that you lost.” His long-time partner replied “That’s OK, I forgive you, just as long as you forgive me.” “Forgive you for what?” asked the dying doc. “I’m the one who poisoned you.”